Hey loves, welcome back to my blog page! The topic today is a bit different from the usual fashion and style that I tend to post. I’m a big advocate for inspiration, positivity, and just life in general. I decided to reach out to my followers as well as other potential readers that are feeling the same way.
The College Midlife Crisis. At first I had no idea what this meant, or what I was going through. By the end of my freshman year of college I started to feel lost and distant from myself. I went into school as a music education major, and my primary instrument was voice. I was even awarded a scholarship for my talent and I felt 100% sure of the field I wanted to go into. I was a big classical music nerd. I literally dropped all other extracurricular activities just to focus on choir and my voice lessons. Looking back, I feel I made a huge mistake.
Summer of 2016, I felt like I needed more in my life than just music. I had a longing to learn more and experience outside of this field that I consumed myself in for years. The longing to switch majors or to undecided was stronger than I thought it ever could be.
As the first semester of my sophomore year grew closer and closer, I felt panicked. I still had no idea what I wanted to do, and part of the reason was because of fear. Switching from music to another major or not any major at all would be HUGE, and sadly I was someone that focused a lot on what other people thought of me. I was nervous to hear disappointment from my peers or past directors that influenced my choice of being a music educator. The situation was already brought up to my parents which ended up being a relief because they supported my decision. However, despite their supportive nature I was still too afraid to switch over and chose to be a music major for another semester.
Now, more factors played into this decision and my feelings toward this field of study. My school went through a complete turn around in staff, making things a little uncomfortable and chaotic. The overall atmosphere of the school became toxic and negative, and me being a person that feeds off of the energy around them, was affected horribly by this change. My physical, mental, and emotional health began to deteriorate and my third semester (first semester of my sophomore year) began lacking energy and motivation.
It was a struggle getting up in the morning and going to class when I didn’t have any enjoyment with what I did. Also, it was my first time living in an apartment with having to cook daily, and with my busy schedule and constantly being tired I wasn’t eating as much. I tended to deny invites to go out with friends and spent the day lying in bed or crying to my boyfriend (thank God for him) about how I hated how things were going. Honestly, this was the worst I’ve ever felt. I also failed to mention that I got the flu AND the stomach flu at the same time. After talking with a few of my mentors, I realized I was going through some sort of a midlife crisis that specifically applied to college students (yes that’s a real thing).
So basically, the midlife college crisis is a point in your college life where you realize you’re lost and have no idea what you want with your life. It usually happens to people after their freshman year because they start studying a topic they thought they had interest in, but realize they hate it or don’t have motivation for it. Some people handle this better than others, but for me I have come to a conclusion to do a bit of soul searching.I’m currently on winter break and made the hard and fearful decision to switch to undecided next semester and take a few classes geared towards fashion and business (this shouldn’t be a surprise). I am proud to say that despite my lack of interest and motivation, I did finish this semester with a 4.0 and am currently still alive (barely).
I wanted to make this post to let all of you that feel this way or may be going through the same thing, that it’s okay and it’s normal. You may feel like your friends or peers don’t understand you or that you’re wrong for feeling this way, but that’s not the case. Some people are better at hiding things than others because believe me, not everyone is satisfied with what they’re doing. Fear is a big part of the reason why so many people don’t go after what they want or follow how they feel. Don’t be the person that succumbs to that scary feeling of what if, because you could be missing out on a bucket load of happiness and success! Remember that time is different for everyone and don’t compare or put yourself against those that are around you. If you decide you miss your old major, then switch back! It’s okay to spend a little time figuring out your life and your path.
If any of you need help, advice, or just want to talk, I’m definitely here! I’d also suggest going to counseling on your college campus because usually it’s free and you’ll have a non biased point of view for what your situation is. I promise things will get better, but you have to take initiative!
See you soon!
*all pictures via pinterest
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